What A Malfoy Wants
by Froststar11
Summary: Draco Malfoy had come to a realization: He wanted Harry Potter. And what a Malfoy wants, a Malfoy gets... Let the scheming begin. M for Language. OOC. Crazy, Egotistical Draco. CRACK!fic based on a dream. You've been warned : DRARRY. Mild LLxGW


A/N: I realized that I have two Loveless fics, and no Drarry, which is just blasphemous. Drarry is pretty much all I read anymore, as well as all I write, so I figured I should post at least one fic. I've got a lot of them on my laptop that aren't finished, and some that are finished, but I just don't like posting the fanfiction I write for other people to read... I don't know why, it's just... awkward, almost. I've been told that I write the sort of things that I do write very well, which is good, but let's just say I'm the last person people would expect to write hardcore fanfiction lol... So it's just... different. I'm going to try to get over it and post more often, but I don't know. No promises. Maybe if I get a lot of reviews ;)

This is a fun little crack!fic that I wrote after waking up from a dream in which this very thing happened lol. It was quite the entertaining dream. I love crazy!Draco, and I hope you do too~ This is much shorter and much... cleaner than I usually write lol. I may be tempted to write a sequel, in which there is much more smut. Just maybe. Perhaps if I get a lot of reviews... ;)

Anyway, enjoy, even if this isn't my norm lol. I wanted to try something different. I hope you laugh as hard as I did while writing it!

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_**.:What A Malfoy Wants****:.**_

Draco Malfoy had come to a realization. And after much agonizing, he finally admitted it to himself:

He wanted Harry Potter.

And what a Malfoy wants, he gets.

But Draco Malfoy had a problem.

How in the Wizarding World was he supposed to win the affections of a man whom he hadn't seen in years? A man who, the last time they had seen each other, had parted with him on polite terms, but who still harbored such hatred from their childhood rivalry? A man who was very much straight, and married to Ginny Weasley?

Well, that last one was easy, of course. Draco had seduced men away from far prettier wenches than Ginevra the sodding Weaselette. He would have no problem there… But what to do about the other problems?

With that, Draco Malfoy began scheming.

He would have a grand ball, and while everyone was dancing, Katie Bell would turn to Potter and attempt to profess her secret, undying love to him, but then Draco would stomp on her foot so hard that her affections were, for the moment, forgotten, and she hobbled off the dance floor to go find some ice. Then, he would find Potter, Avada Kedavra his current dancing partner, and take over, impressing Potter with is superior dancing skills. They would have such a good time that Potter would forget all about his intense dislike of Draco Malfoy, and apparate them directly to his personal bedroom, where they would _dance_ long into the night.

Except, there was one problem with that scheme…

Potter would probably be too concerned with saving Katie Bell once he saw she was injured to pay any attention to the amazingness that was Draco Malfoy.

So, Draco Malfoy tried again.

He could sneak into Potter's room in the middle of the night, stupefy him, and bring him back to the Malfoy Manor, where he would transfigure one of the larger guest bedrooms into a S&M paradise. He'd tie Potter to the bed, blindfold him, and then change his own voice so that he wouldn't recognize the Adonis that is Draco Malfoy. He would get Potter all worked up, make him beg for it. Only when he had his cock up Harry Potter's arse would he take the blindfold off and Potter would be shocked, of course, but he would be so aroused that he would forget all about his wife, who was probably waiting for him back at home with an oven full of pies, and would beg to be fucked into sweet oblivion by Draco Malfoy.

But, yet again, there was just one tiny problem with _that_ plan…

Draco Malfoy wanted Harry Potter's cock up his arse, not the other way around.

Oohhhh… he would bet all of his Geallons that Harry Potter had a huge dick… He couldn't wait for it to fill him, to stretch him to the limits until –

But Draco Malfoy couldn't think about that right now, or he would have to take a break from his scheming to masturbate, imagining that Harry Potter's monstrous cock was up his arse.

The blond opened his desk drawer, ruffled through all of the junk he kept inside, and finally emerged with a small scrap of parchment and a quill. He sat down at his desk, and began brainstorming more ideas that would lead to Harry Potter putting his – to Draco Malfoy seducing Harry Potter.

The moon had risen and begun to fall in the night sky before, at last, Draco Malfoy had a breakthrough. Bloodshot eyes stared at the ink-covered piece of parchment in victory, the small trademark Malfoy smirk resting comfortably on his features.

Could it really be that easy?

Yes. Yes it could.

Draco Malfoy had a plan.

He carefully folded his messy piece of parchment, changed into his silk pajamas (Emerald green, the color of his soon-to-be-lover's _breathtaking_ eyes…) and slid in between his black silk sheets. Draco fell asleep almost instantly, dreaming about just how big Harry Potter's cock could possibly be.

The next morning, Draco Malfoy dressed quickly, and apparated to a remote spot just outside the Potters' property. He lay in wait, hidden from view, as Harry Potter came walking down the sidewalk. Ginevra Weasley waved from the doorway before her husband apparated to the Ministry of Magic, where he worked in the department his friend Hermione Granger had started, the Muggle to Magical Children's Protection Agency. Even Draco Malfoy had to admit that the department was a brilliant idea – to take the children who had been accepted to Hogwarts but had no magical background, and send them to the new grade school for Magical Beings to be educated about the customs and ways of the Magical World, as well as make sure they weren't mistreated by their filthy Muggles. While Malfoy didn't particularly care for any witch or wizard that wasn't a pureblood (Of course, the only exception to this rule was Harry Potter, who was absolutely bloody gorgeous, and who had this gigantic prick that Draco Malfoy was dying to taste…) he thought that he could tolerate them just a little bit more if they weren't complete idiots who lacked the smallest Ideals that had been hammered into Pureblood children's brains at a young age…

Shaking his head to get the image of Potter's dick out of his mind and prevent a perfectly awkward situation, Draco Malfoy drew himself up to his full height and walked up to the Potters' gate. He placed a hand on the stone pillar beside the regal metal fixture, and was pleasantly surprised that this was just like the gate he had at Malfoy Manor – it alerted the owners of the home that somebody wished to see them without breaching the wards.

Ginny Weasley came strolling down the long drive that lead up to her home, curious as to who could possibly be there to see her that couldn't just floo directly into the house.

Her eyes widened when she saw Draco Malfoy leaning casually against her gate.

The blond god greeted her politely, asking if they could perhaps talk.

Draco Malfoy had a proposition for Ginny Weasley.

The red-head allowed Malfoy access to her home, though she didn't turn her back to her one-time enemy, and kept her wand readily available from its place in her sleeve.

The niceties continued, Ginny asking him if he would like anything to drink, before Draco Malfoy got down to business.

He explained his problem to her over a cup of tea and a slice of the pie that Draco Malfoy had just known was waiting in Harry Potter's kitchen oven.

Before he could pull out his checkbook to make Ginny Weasley an offer she couldn't refuse, putting his plan into motion, Harry Potter walked into the door for his lunch break, which Draco Malfoy didn't realize he took at home.

Harry's eyes widened as he took in the odd sight before him: His childhood nemesis drinking tea and eating apple pie with his wife. He raised one eyebrow, looking from one to the other, hoping for an explanation. However, just as he opened his mouth to ask if hell had frozen over, the floo roared to life, and Luna Lovegood glided through. She walked right up to Ginny, drew her into her arms, and kissed her passionately. Harry Potter merely said hello to Luna and went about making himself a sandwich.

Draco Malfoy choked and spat his tea all over the place in disbelief.

Harry Potter explained sheepishly that they weren't really married, as many people assumed they were, but were just roomates and good friends. They were both gay, and so they allowed the tabloids to say they were together to prevent their sexuality from splashing across the front page of every tabloid in the country, and some overseas.

Draco Malfoy fainted in shock.

He woke up in a strange bed, keeping his eyes closed and attempting to get a feel for his surroundings. He could sense one other being moving around in the room. He wasn't tied up, so he figured it was safe to open his eyes. He gasped as he saw Harry Potter lounging on a sofa with his back to his bed, watching Muggle television. Draco Malfoy licked his lips when he saw that Harry Potter was wearing nothing but a pair of loose fitting trousers that he vaguely recognized as sweat pants. His mouth went dry as his eyes trailed down the golden expanse of chest that was just barely visible from the side as Harry Potter stretched luxuriously.

Harry Potter, meanwhile, was teasing Draco Malfoy. He knew that the beautiful blond was awake; he had placed a spell on him that announced signs of waking. With a small smirk, he switched the tv off and drew his fairly large, and fully erect, prick out of his soft sweatpants. He let out a loud moan as he lightly caressed the head, putting on a good show for his gorgeous guest.

The Malfoy heir's eyes bulged out of his head as he realized what Harry Potter was doing. He didn't move a muscle, afraid that if he did, the marvelous sounds would stop.

At some point, Harry Potter stopped moaning for show, and focused on pleasing himself, which made him continue the delicious noises anyway. Internally smirking, Harry Potter threw his head back and moaned Draco Malfoy's name.

Before he realized what was happening, he had a lap full of sexy Slytherin. Harry Potter smirked against Draco Malfoy's lips; his plans to seduce his long-time obsession had finally succeeded.

Draco Malfoy didn't have much to say at the moment because he was incapable of forming coherent thoughts: Harry Potter's dick was, in fact, as big as Draco Malfoy had imagined.

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xD I woke up from this dream like "wtf..." it was pretty epic.

Please review? Please? I may post another, more smutty and less crack!-y fic, if I get enough positive feedback :)

Much love,

~Arya Rose


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